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Mama's Little Helper - Parents Express - Montgomery News


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Mama's Little Helper - Parents Express - Montgomery News

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By Chrissy Glen

When children are terrorized on a regular basis, they are more likely to struggle with emotional issues. There is a higher rate of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) along with low self esteem in abused children. Children are terrorized daily all over the world and it could be changed with education, research or maybe even a conversation with someone that you know that has gone through a similar situation.

Nowadays, parents research a lot to ensure we are doing everything we can to help our children become well-adjusted individuals. Terrorizing, a form of abuse to children, isn't well-known and not as thought of mainly because we don't hear about it as much as we hear about woman being abused. It is most likely because children are too young to understand what is really going on. They are not the primary victim or they are extremely scared to tell anyone. Therefore, they don't receive the therapy that the actual abused victim may receive. Many victims are busy trying to pull themselves and their lives back together and don't understand what happens in a child's mind when their children have witnessed abuse to a parent.

Children who are terrorized exhibit many short & long term consequences from their parents' negligence on the part of the parent. The consequences from such abuse could stay with children for the rest of their lives. Lack of confidence and low self esteem exhibited by parents in an abusive relationship can be internalized both consciously and subconsciously by children in the abusive household. Thinking their parents' behavior is the norm, acceptable to others and the proper way of behaving, many of these children find themselves in an abusive relationship as adults.

Trying to keep the peace and/or not get hurt themselves, children will go to unusually great lengths, such as lying for a parent to keep themselves from being terrorized and/or abused. These are the children that are on the lookout for subtle and not so subtle clues that help them adapt their behavior as a means to control their environment. With some children, safety and security must be met as means of survival before they can let their guard down, so they adapt their behavior to keep the peace in the household.

As parents, our children look up to us first and foremost, which means we are their biggest role models and we leave the greatest impression on them. It's our job to guide them through examples that leave impressions so that they can internalize are good, strong examples of how a family should function. It's our job to make sure their environment is one of safety and security.

Before I had a child, I thought long and hard about whether or not I could deliver on those promises. The last situation I wanted to be in was for me to be showing her that it's okay for a man to speak to you in a degrading manner. As parents it's also our job to educate our children about the roles and responsibilities of being a parent, letting them know what needs to go into raising a child and that they need to think about this long before they are sexually active. We have a lot of children in this world being abused, terrorized, and just plain unwanted. We need to start educating our children about the extensive roles of parenting, so they fully understand the commitment you've made to them and they would be making to their children.

Schools are teaching the arithmetic, reading and writing, but who is teaching, role modeling and putting the correct thoughts into our child's brain about relationships, marriage, & parenting? Where do they learn how to communicate and get their needs met in a relationship? Who shows a child when their parents are either absent on a regular basis because they do not understand their priorities or they are working to keep a roof over their child's head? Do we just ignore these children like has been done for a while now with a good amount of America's youth. The schools aren't teaching them. Some children are lucky to have wonderful parents at home who role model the great image, but keep all the "relationship stuff" behind closed doors. That can cause their children to grow up thinking couples who fight must not be good for each other.

It would be great if our schools would incorporate lessons into each child's education, but parents need to be involved in the aspect as well. Your children need to see you have a disagreement, witness how you handle yourself and your partner (if it's a healthy relationship, one with no abuse) and be around for the outcome. They need to see both parents win some and lose some of the disagreement. Children need to see compromises being made that can later be implemented without negativity. This is a healthy communication tool that a lot of children are being deprived of by their parents.

Parents, I know you are busy. I'm a single mom with some serious health challenges that I struggle with on a daily basis. I have a Master's Degree in Mathematics Education and a Bachelors in Elementary Education that I don't even use right now because of my health challenges, but as hard and tiring as my days can be…I always stop, make eye contact with my daughter and use the teachable moment that present themselves throughout our day to impress life skills that she will need to be successful throughout her lifetime. She needs to be able to communicate with others, feel good about herself, motivate and inspire herself, be grateful for life's blessings, instill upon her the value of manners and treating everyone with respect, instill the love of learning and the goodness of charity. It all starts with us - the parents.

By no means do I consider myself an expert on the topic of abuse. These are my opinions, research I've been collecting and tips I've found along the way that I wanted to share with readers. Continued...

Photo Credit: Linda Morrow Photography, http://www.lindamorrow.net

When children are terrorized on a regular basis, they are more likely to struggle with emotional issues. There is a higher rate of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) along with low self esteem in abused children. Children are terrorized daily all over the world and it could be changed with education, research or maybe even a conversation with someone that you know that has gone through a similar situation.

Nowadays, parents research a lot to ensure we are doing everything we can to help our children become well-adjusted individuals. Terrorizing, a form of abuse to children, isn't well-known and not as thought of mainly because we don't hear about it as much as we hear about woman being abused. It is most likely because children are too young to understand what is really going on. They are not the primary victim or they are extremely scared to tell anyone. Therefore, they don't receive the therapy that the actual abused victim may receive. Many victims are busy trying to pull themselves and their lives back together and don't understand what happens in a child's mind when their children have witnessed abuse to a parent.

Children who are terrorized exhibit many short & long term consequences from their parents' negligence on the part of the parent. The consequences from such abuse could stay with children for the rest of their lives. Lack of confidence and low self esteem exhibited by parents in an abusive relationship can be internalized both consciously and subconsciously by children in the abusive household. Thinking their parents' behavior is the norm, acceptable to others and the proper way of behaving, many of these children find themselves in an abusive relationship as adults.

Trying to keep the peace and/or not get hurt themselves, children will go to unusually great lengths, such as lying for a parent to keep themselves from being terrorized and/or abused. These are the children that are on the lookout for subtle and not so subtle clues that help them adapt their behavior as a means to control their environment. With some children, safety and security must be met as means of survival before they can let their guard down, so they adapt their behavior to keep the peace in the household.

As parents, our children look up to us first and foremost, which means we are their biggest role models and we leave the greatest impression on them. It's our job to guide them through examples that leave impressions so that they can internalize are good, strong examples of how a family should function. It's our job to make sure their environment is one of safety and security.

Before I had a child, I thought long and hard about whether or not I could deliver on those promises. The last situation I wanted to be in was for me to be showing her that it's okay for a man to speak to you in a degrading manner. As parents it's also our job to educate our children about the roles and responsibilities of being a parent, letting them know what needs to go into raising a child and that they need to think about this long before they are sexually active. We have a lot of children in this world being abused, terrorized, and just plain unwanted. We need to start educating our children about the extensive roles of parenting, so they fully understand the commitment you've made to them and they would be making to their children.

Schools are teaching the arithmetic, reading and writing, but who is teaching, role modeling and putting the correct thoughts into our child's brain about relationships, marriage, & parenting? Where do they learn how to communicate and get their needs met in a relationship? Who shows a child when their parents are either absent on a regular basis because they do not understand their priorities or they are working to keep a roof over their child's head? Do we just ignore these children like has been done for a while now with a good amount of America's youth. The schools aren't teaching them. Some children are lucky to have wonderful parents at home who role model the great image, but keep all the "relationship stuff" behind closed doors. That can cause their children to grow up thinking couples who fight must not be good for each other.

It would be great if our schools would incorporate lessons into each child's education, but parents need to be involved in the aspect as well. Your children need to see you have a disagreement, witness how you handle yourself and your partner (if it's a healthy relationship, one with no abuse) and be around for the outcome. They need to see both parents win some and lose some of the disagreement. Children need to see compromises being made that can later be implemented without negativity. This is a healthy communication tool that a lot of children are being deprived of by their parents.

Parents, I know you are busy. I'm a single mom with some serious health challenges that I struggle with on a daily basis. I have a Master's Degree in Mathematics Education and a Bachelors in Elementary Education that I don't even use right now because of my health challenges, but as hard and tiring as my days can be…I always stop, make eye contact with my daughter and use the teachable moment that present themselves throughout our day to impress life skills that she will need to be successful throughout her lifetime. She needs to be able to communicate with others, feel good about herself, motivate and inspire herself, be grateful for life's blessings, instill upon her the value of manners and treating everyone with respect, instill the love of learning and the goodness of charity. It all starts with us - the parents.

By no means do I consider myself an expert on the topic of abuse. These are my opinions, research I've been collecting and tips I've found along the way that I wanted to share with readers.

Chrissy is the publisher of Mama's Little Helper, MamasLittleHelper.org , which is a reference website for moms in Bucks & Montgomery Counties, Philadelphia and parts of NJ. Like her on Facebook & Follow her on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Linda Morrow Photography, http://www.lindamorrow.net

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